gemfyre: (doe a deer)
[personal profile] gemfyre
Feel priveliged, I am about to write some of what I have written in my true diary (which barely gets written in these days because I have other ways of venting).

This is my very first entry. I was 14 at the time and a lot of it makes me cringe these days.



If you want to know what mood I'm in (I'll hardly ever show it, this is the only surefire way) listen to my music. That's usually the only way you'll find out. That's why I turn it up and open the door. I want you to know but I don't want to say it outright. But you just yell at me "Turn that noise down!" You have no appreciation. Maybe you'll crack one day. But by then it could be too late. In my story Sherri played "Runaway" continously and her parents didn't listen. (Of course she shot through). I wonder if that kid who killed himself had played "Estranged" a lot before he did it. His mother only bothered to listen when it was too late.

...

That's another thing. The main female characters of my stories are 99% of the time myself. It's how I'd like my life to be, exciting.
I'm 14 but I've always been single. Maybe I'm picky but no-one likes me anyway. There is someone I am truly in love with. But he lives in L.A., he's a movie star. But I have a feeling something will happen. I want to act too.



Yep, years before I even knew what fan-fiction was I was Mary Sue-ing myself in my own original tales as well as stories based on other stories. And God I was such a fawning fangirl. I believe it was later that same year that I "went off" that movie star who was "the love of my life".

I think I will do this more often with the less incriminating bits of my diary. I probably won't spare embarrassment however, my excuse is that I was a teenager!

Date: 2003-11-12 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psilverswirl.livejournal.com
hehehe, that's really cute and absolutely authentic angsty 14-year-old-dom :D Oh, 14 year olds think they're so mature and evolved, hehehe! And if you were like me at age 14 you'd have killed anyone who dared say your loves and crushes and maybe-that-movie-star-WILL-hook-up-with-me was -cute-.
I take it that "Mary Jane" is the music fic version of the term "Mary Sue" that's used for book, movie, and TV fanfiction. I used to write horrible Vampire Chronicles Mary Sues. They were textbook examples of godawfulness. All the vampires were always immediately entranced by me the beautiful girl with the unusual name and unusual eye color on first sight, lol. I had Louis, Lestat, David, Armand, and the rest actually quietly duking it out to be the one to have the privilege of giving me the Dark Gift. *really laughing now*

Date: 2003-11-12 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemfyre.livejournal.com
Gah!! yeah I meant Mary Sue. *edits*

Haha, you think that's teenage angst, it gets much much worse!!

Wait till I write about my first "boyfriend". *rolls around laughing*

Date: 2003-11-12 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psilverswirl.livejournal.com
You know, if you showed those diary entries to current 14 year olds (all of whom are convinced that nobody understands them) it would blow their world to pieces. *laughing* It would prove that you DO grow out of being 14 after all! The horror! The angst! The Mary Sues!

Date: 2003-11-12 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemfyre.livejournal.com
Hrm, I just read some more of it for the hell of it.

Wait till I get to my "death is soooo romantic" stage.

Date: 2003-11-12 10:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psilverswirl.livejournal.com
I really want to see, actually, hehehe.

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