gemfyre | This is special

Feel priveliged, I am about to write some of what I have written in my true diary (which barely gets written in these days because I have other ways of venting).

This is my very first entry. I was 14 at the time and a lot of it makes me cringe these days.

If you want to know what mood I'm in (I'll hardly ever show it, this is the only surefire way) listen to my music. That's usually the only way you'll find out. That's why I turn it up and open the door. I want you to know but I don't want to say it outright. But you just yell at me "Turn that noise down!" You have no appreciation. Maybe you'll crack one day. But by then it could be too late. In my story Sherri played "Runaway" continously and her parents didn't listen. (Of course she shot through). I wonder if that kid who killed himself had played "Estranged" a lot before he did it. His mother only bothered to listen when it was too late.

...

That's another thing. The main female characters of my stories are 99% of the time myself. It's how I'd like my life to be, exciting.
I'm 14 but I've always been single. Maybe I'm picky but no-one likes me anyway. There is someone I am truly in love with. But he lives in L.A., he's a movie star. But I have a feeling something will happen. I want to act too.

Yep, years before I even knew what fan-fiction was I was Mary Sue-ing myself in my own original tales as well as stories based on other stories. And God I was such a fawning fangirl. I believe it was later that same year that I "went off" that movie star who was "the love of my life".

I think I will do this more often with the less incriminating bits of my diary. I probably won't spare embarrassment however, my excuse is that I was a teenager!