Na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na...

Mainland Brie is usless. I'm sure they cheat making it. It is like ultra soft/runny but there is barely any bloom on the stuff, I mean it's the fungus that makes the cheese runny so how they manage to get it so soft with barely any bloom I don't know. I'll stick with South Cape, it's a tad firmer so you can actually cut it and the bloom is brilliant!

I'm not gonna die of a coronary from eating fast foods. I'm gonna get it from eating too much Brie cheese, the stuff is so gooooood!!

Na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na...

Mainland Brie is usless. I'm sure they cheat making it. It is like ultra soft/runny but there is barely any bloom on the stuff, I mean it's the fungus that makes the cheese runny so how they manage to get it so soft with barely any bloom I don't know. I'll stick with South Cape, it's a tad firmer so you can actually cut it and the bloom is brilliant!

I'm not gonna die of a coronary from eating fast foods. I'm gonna get it from eating too much Brie cheese, the stuff is so gooooood!!

An explanation

The last week in my LJ has been pretty nasty. From Friday to Wednesday I felt pretty much like a piece of shit. But now things are a better and I feel up to explaining what's going on (now I also understand it a little more).

You may or may not know that a few months ago Matt and I took a "break". Well at least that was the intention. He reckons things have been going downhill for a couple of years. I definetly think it started getting very shaky around midyear, but there were always niggly things all the time tho (to me this was normal, hey, no couple is perfect).

Anyway, the previous "break" didn't really happen due to rumours and interference from other people and the fact that neither of us was really clear on boundaries and what constituted a break.

I honestly felt things were improving though. Well, according to Matt they weren't. Last Friday the bombshell dropped. BECAUSE it was so damn surprising and because I am a bloody whiny, clingy, jealous little so and so alot of the time (half the problem), I had a very bad time until Thursday. Party on Wednesday I was a right bitch at times. I just felt sick in my stomach and like some claw was trying to rip my heart out of my chest.

By Friday however I was feeling "lighter" (I don't know what I mean by that but that's how I feel). I had a great time in karaoke, better than usual, by the time it was midnight I was still ready to sing more and couldn't believe the night had ended. Usually towards the end of karaoke I'm tired and can't sing anymore and just want to leave.

Anyways, this time the boundaries are alot clearer set (although we already have strayed *sigh and smile all at the same time*). The basics are I need to become my own person more. I don't really have any good friends of my own. I wanted to go everywhere with Matt and didn't want to go somewhere if he wasn't going and he doesn't like this, which I knew and he also hates the fact that I get jealous and upset when he's off doing something without me (distance plays a small part in this, but not all of it.) I need people I can do stuff with without him around too. I am a bit too romantic I think. Wanting to share every moment and feeling we should do everything together and stuff. I can understand that's enough to drive anyone crazy. And it pisses me off no end too when I become a whiny jealous bitch and make it bad for everyone, kinda the "If I can't have fun then none of you will." selfish kinda mentality.

So at parties I'm now on my own. Guess there's nothing like learning how to do something by being forced to do it. I just don't have his charisma and can't make good buddies at the drop of a hat like he does. I just feel a bit uncomfortable and intrusive, and maybe I should stop that and risk pissing off more people.

I need to find people I can rabbit onto about animals and biology and ponies and the stuff I'm into. Because Matt isn't the least interested in any of that. I think I need to get over my phone phobia and dammit, other people hafta get over there distance phobia!! I'm not _that_ far away. Geez you'd think I was in Siberia the way they carry on sometimes... *sigh*.

I should find somewhere to do dancing again. I like dancing and Matt won't/can't do it. Maybe there I'd find some friends because at the moment we both have the same circle of friends - a side effect of me being too clingy, and whenever Matt's around he gets to all the people first!

I also need to try and phase out this jealousy/feeling terribly left out thing. Every time I hear he's going off to do something I get this nasty pang and inevitably act like an asshole about it. I guess it's not a point of making HIM jealous it's a point of me stopping being jealous.

Hopefully we can improve and work it out and be what we were again but better. I think next time I wanna be totally sure as well, cuz I sure as heck don't want ANOTHER bombshell like I got last Friday, that is the worst feeling in the world.

An explanation

The last week in my LJ has been pretty nasty. From Friday to Wednesday I felt pretty much like a piece of shit. But now things are a better and I feel up to explaining what's going on (now I also understand it a little more).

You may or may not know that a few months ago Matt and I took a "break". Well at least that was the intention. He reckons things have been going downhill for a couple of years. I definetly think it started getting very shaky around midyear, but there were always niggly things all the time tho (to me this was normal, hey, no couple is perfect).

Anyway, the previous "break" didn't really happen due to rumours and interference from other people and the fact that neither of us was really clear on boundaries and what constituted a break.

I honestly felt things were improving though. Well, according to Matt they weren't. Last Friday the bombshell dropped. BECAUSE it was so damn surprising and because I am a bloody whiny, clingy, jealous little so and so alot of the time (half the problem), I had a very bad time until Thursday. Party on Wednesday I was a right bitch at times. I just felt sick in my stomach and like some claw was trying to rip my heart out of my chest.

By Friday however I was feeling "lighter" (I don't know what I mean by that but that's how I feel). I had a great time in karaoke, better than usual, by the time it was midnight I was still ready to sing more and couldn't believe the night had ended. Usually towards the end of karaoke I'm tired and can't sing anymore and just want to leave.

Anyways, this time the boundaries are alot clearer set (although we already have strayed *sigh and smile all at the same time*). The basics are I need to become my own person more. I don't really have any good friends of my own. I wanted to go everywhere with Matt and didn't want to go somewhere if he wasn't going and he doesn't like this, which I knew and he also hates the fact that I get jealous and upset when he's off doing something without me (distance plays a small part in this, but not all of it.) I need people I can do stuff with without him around too. I am a bit too romantic I think. Wanting to share every moment and feeling we should do everything together and stuff. I can understand that's enough to drive anyone crazy. And it pisses me off no end too when I become a whiny jealous bitch and make it bad for everyone, kinda the "If I can't have fun then none of you will." selfish kinda mentality.

So at parties I'm now on my own. Guess there's nothing like learning how to do something by being forced to do it. I just don't have his charisma and can't make good buddies at the drop of a hat like he does. I just feel a bit uncomfortable and intrusive, and maybe I should stop that and risk pissing off more people.

I need to find people I can rabbit onto about animals and biology and ponies and the stuff I'm into. Because Matt isn't the least interested in any of that. I think I need to get over my phone phobia and dammit, other people hafta get over there distance phobia!! I'm not _that_ far away. Geez you'd think I was in Siberia the way they carry on sometimes... *sigh*.

I should find somewhere to do dancing again. I like dancing and Matt won't/can't do it. Maybe there I'd find some friends because at the moment we both have the same circle of friends - a side effect of me being too clingy, and whenever Matt's around he gets to all the people first!

I also need to try and phase out this jealousy/feeling terribly left out thing. Every time I hear he's going off to do something I get this nasty pang and inevitably act like an asshole about it. I guess it's not a point of making HIM jealous it's a point of me stopping being jealous.

Hopefully we can improve and work it out and be what we were again but better. I think next time I wanna be totally sure as well, cuz I sure as heck don't want ANOTHER bombshell like I got last Friday, that is the worst feeling in the world.

I got bugs in my room, bugs in my bed...

Don't think about "then", just think about "now".
(more deep, world encompassing phrases to come when I remember them)

There was this kid at Luke's party today. He's been at other parties for the kids as well. If I have a kid I want one a bit like him. He collects bugs, and lizards and various creepy crawlies. He just picks them up, usually the correct way and sticks them in a container and keeps them for a while to watch. If I had a kid like that I'd buy him ID books and we'd spend hours trying to find what bug we'd caught and maybe I'd even teach him the Latin name, because some Latin names are pretty cool. One time he was at Craig & Gill's and grabbing these bugs from the acacia out the back. He just saw them everywhere and was catching them. Now me, being all biology/nature minded am one to really look at stuff other people just glance over, like tree bark, or grass blades but even I took ages to see these bugs, when I finally did spot them I found that they were indeed everywhere. It just astounded me that a kid would be able to look at things like that and see the minature world happening beneath. Where most people would have just seen a "tree" he saw all these little creatures going about their lives. *smiles*

Matty came up to mum and I and asked if we'd met his invisible friend yet. Geez I remember my imaginary friend. He was called Brinky. Matty's is called "Hans Fredricksson" or something weird and complicated like that. I guess they choose their own names. I have NO idea why some parents would discourage an imaginary friend. Kids however, most kids are just dumb and cruel.

There was also a bouncy castle, that was good, but exhausting. I wanted to do a flip but I think I woulda landed on my head and maybe broke my neck if I tried. And poor Tess, it was so hot she wasn't even interested in chasing a ball for a while, she's such a beautiful dog. I'm not much into dogs but Tessie is a fine specimen (border collie/cattle dog cross, 2 of my fave breeds). And she's so much nicer now she's been trained a little and she will sit when you ask her, even if she does scuttle around on her bum in sheer excitment.

And Bonnie & Clyde are cute as ever. Bonnie doesn't seem so keen on being picked up, she miaows and carries on a bit, but Clyde, he just sits in your arms and puurrrrs. *ga-ga*. Kitties rock.

I got bugs in my room, bugs in my bed...

Don't think about "then", just think about "now".
(more deep, world encompassing phrases to come when I remember them)

There was this kid at Luke's party today. He's been at other parties for the kids as well. If I have a kid I want one a bit like him. He collects bugs, and lizards and various creepy crawlies. He just picks them up, usually the correct way and sticks them in a container and keeps them for a while to watch. If I had a kid like that I'd buy him ID books and we'd spend hours trying to find what bug we'd caught and maybe I'd even teach him the Latin name, because some Latin names are pretty cool. One time he was at Craig & Gill's and grabbing these bugs from the acacia out the back. He just saw them everywhere and was catching them. Now me, being all biology/nature minded am one to really look at stuff other people just glance over, like tree bark, or grass blades but even I took ages to see these bugs, when I finally did spot them I found that they were indeed everywhere. It just astounded me that a kid would be able to look at things like that and see the minature world happening beneath. Where most people would have just seen a "tree" he saw all these little creatures going about their lives. *smiles*

Matty came up to mum and I and asked if we'd met his invisible friend yet. Geez I remember my imaginary friend. He was called Brinky. Matty's is called "Hans Fredricksson" or something weird and complicated like that. I guess they choose their own names. I have NO idea why some parents would discourage an imaginary friend. Kids however, most kids are just dumb and cruel.

There was also a bouncy castle, that was good, but exhausting. I wanted to do a flip but I think I woulda landed on my head and maybe broke my neck if I tried. And poor Tess, it was so hot she wasn't even interested in chasing a ball for a while, she's such a beautiful dog. I'm not much into dogs but Tessie is a fine specimen (border collie/cattle dog cross, 2 of my fave breeds). And she's so much nicer now she's been trained a little and she will sit when you ask her, even if she does scuttle around on her bum in sheer excitment.

And Bonnie & Clyde are cute as ever. Bonnie doesn't seem so keen on being picked up, she miaows and carries on a bit, but Clyde, he just sits in your arms and puurrrrs. *ga-ga*. Kitties rock.

(no subject)

The Murdoch website is stupid and impossible to use.

Gah!

(no subject)

The Murdoch website is stupid and impossible to use.

Gah!