The mental battle begins

[gemfyre]

So, I'm out of the brace.

But...

I can barely move my leg without it. So I've kept and am currently on the bed with the knee bent as far as I can, which isn't far. Any further feels bloody weird and borders on pain. If I need to get up, the brace needs to go back on.

I'm seeing a physio on Tuesday. Doctor is ringing back tomorrow with more info, he seemed kinda stupid.

First he poked and pressed at my kneecaps, causing me to tense up. He told me to relax, I told him that that kinda pushing puts it out and I don't want it out thank you very much. He commented that I had a strong "anxiety response". He also seemed to assume that once the brace was off I could just get up and walk out of there. He told me to lift my leg, I just laughed. He seemed surprised at the lack of muscle tone/strength. Maybe he should try being in a brace for a month and a bit and see how his leg goes. My legs are wasted and my knee is still slightly swollen.

Then of course, there's the mental toll. I am in perpetual fear of putting it (or my other knee) out again. I gingerly make my way across our treacherous bathroom floor because I'm afraid of slipping on a drop of water. I get nervous whenever I whack my good leg on something. I just think, "What if it happens again!? What if I can never walk? What if it just keeps happening?"

I need to try not to worry so much so I can be brave enough to start moving my leg and getting the strength back, but it all feels so vulnerable.

I hope a patellar stabiliser brace helps, hopefully I'll get one of them on Tuesday. I would be nice to walk/hobble without crutches.

Comments

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

I think - and don't hate me for suggesting this - you really need a different doctor. :(

And yeah, I can understand the mental toll. I was just about to ask if you were getting a patellar brace, and it says you are. I wore one of these for a few months, and it really helped me. It just *felt* more stable. Can be a bitch to put on / take off... but it was a help.

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

The "doctor" I speak of is an orthapedic surgeon. Today I saw a different one to last time (making a grand total of one consult from each), and apparently there is ANOTHER surgeon (who I assume is higher up and/or more specialised) who I may see to discuss surgery options.

*rolls eyes*

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

I'm going to recommend the one that I had, because my knee problems are similar to yours (unstable knee, dislocations, and the surgery is to basically 'secure' the kneecap by making a new ligament to anchor it down.)

I saw Dr. Greg Witherow. You do have to pay for your initial consultation with him, because he's private (ask when you call, how much it will be, they give a ballpark).

But if you specifically tell him you'll need public beds, he will organise for you to have public surgery and all your following consultations will be public (not sure if you're going through public or private).

My surgery worked fine, my knee is stable, the problem I have is that my body is rejecting the screw - which isn't common, and once that is removed theoretically I should be more mobile than I've ever been.

He's also considerate. If you take the time to explain your fears, he will explain things to you about your knee, the ligaments, what they will do, why they will do it etc.

I have hated him in the past, because I didn't understand that the pain in my knee after surgery was because of my own bodily rejection... it wasn't his fault. Everything that happened went fine.

Give him a try, I think. (unless by some hugely unlucky fluke, he was the surgeon you saw).

Witherow is a knee surgery expert, he's not just an ortho surgeon, but specifically knee surgery.

"Mr Greg Witherow
MBBS FRACS
Lower Limb Surgery Only, Hip, Knee, Ankle and Feet
31 Outram Street, West Perth WA 6005
(08) 9212 4200"

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

I actually have private HBF cover. I'll keep him in mind. Thanks.

[shirazz.livejournal.com]

Yeah - I'm shitscared about my knee & every time I forget about it something happens & I tend to fuck it up again. After having it this way for 1/2 my life now you'd think I'd be used to it but I NEVER want to have to go through all that pain & hassle let alone an operation again so it's no wonder you're cagey about it. Would you feel better having tape or supports on both knees?