(no subject)

[gemfyre]

God I am so blank
Slightly confused
I don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what's right and what's wrong and what I should do and what I want to do and what is overstepping the line
I. Just. Don't. Know.

Geez it seems like I have nothing really to worry about, but still there's something sitting in my chest and nibbling at me and making me think things I shouldn't think.

I just wish someone could hand me clarity on a plate.

I was pondering today about my indecisiveness. Being indecisive is good in the way that whatever happens it's okay, but bad because you know there was an option and you missed it. Is that what's called regret??

I dunno, I'm just messed up.

Life is about change and compromise and learning and growing. Not about being stagnant and steadfastly refusing to alter slightly to improve another life... It's not about, not being "you" anymore, how can you not be you?? It's about changing some behaviour that others find undesirable. I guess I focus so much on pleasing others that I've lost myself.

I mean it's still same old, same old. He's doing stuff with friends and having fun. And I am here, alone and paranoid and torn and sad and craving love and company, and not being sure if I'll ever get it again...

I should stop this before this lump in my throat chokes me.

Comments

[ant8472.livejournal.com]

Alone and paranoid.. I HATE that feeling. That's the worst one for me, in troubled times in a relationship. Surviving seperation time is livable, knowing the weaknesses in a relationship is livable, but that awful feeling of wondering.. and not knowing.. but speculating and dreading, is horrible.

Just batten down the hatches to your heart right now and try to think less. One way of doing this is to just get out, even if it means driving into Perth regularly and catching up with friends. The more alone, and the less activity in your life, the more chance such negative thoughts have to breed