When I said I wanted two of me, I meant physically, not mentally!!!

It's so weird. I find females so much more aesthetically pleasing than guys. There's two female people around that if I was a lesbian I'd jump 'em right away. (well maybe not, they're both taken dammit).

*sigh*

I wish Brownies had taught me to UNTIE the knots. gah

When I said I wanted two of me, I meant physically, not mentally!!!

It's so weird. I find females so much more aesthetically pleasing than guys. There's two female people around that if I was a lesbian I'd jump 'em right away. (well maybe not, they're both taken dammit).

*sigh*

I wish Brownies had taught me to UNTIE the knots. gah

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Being in limbo sucks

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Being in limbo sucks

*Wails*

Yeah yeah I know I'm a sick puppy for wanting Bovril in the first place, but it's what I felt like. So I looked in the cupboard and to my amazement we had some Bovril!

But, some bastard has apparently superglued the lid on. After about 10 minutes of exhausting myself trying to open the jar the kettle had boiled and I gave up and now have a mushroom cuppa soup with some beef stock in it.

*Wails*

Yeah yeah I know I'm a sick puppy for wanting Bovril in the first place, but it's what I felt like. So I looked in the cupboard and to my amazement we had some Bovril!

But, some bastard has apparently superglued the lid on. After about 10 minutes of exhausting myself trying to open the jar the kettle had boiled and I gave up and now have a mushroom cuppa soup with some beef stock in it.

Hooray to the gods of paracetamol and psuedoephidrine

Hopefully they can help me kick this damn cold by Tuesday, and if I'm lucky the weather will pick up too and we can have a grand time at Adventure World. I'm looking forward to it an unusual amount.

I'm feeling a bit better now. In all aspects. It'll be hard not to do those things that just come natural when you're a couple. And I guess I'll still feel like I'm copping a minor blow every time I have to admonished for doing something that I don't even realise I'm doing. We need each other, and if - at least for now - it can't be as lovers then at least we're still best of friends, which is better than hating each other's guts. Yeah, there probably are people out there that do alot more things that I like than Matt. And possibly I will fall in love with one eventually. But if he wants me back anytime before that I'm right back there. And if he does after it happens if it does?? I don't know. I have nothing against polygamy if all parties are perfectly okay with it. But that doesn't happen, there's always jealousy. And I hope he doesn't feel that just because we aren't twins that he's not worthy of me and that I deserve better. Goddamn he is worthy of me. I love him, I always will. Gee, that lump in the throat is back, dammit.

I just hope in the end we can all get ourselves untangled and end up happy, whatever that may entail. I'm kinda scared of it, scared everything will be tainted by memories and guilt.

Hooray to the gods of paracetamol and psuedoephidrine

Hopefully they can help me kick this damn cold by Tuesday, and if I'm lucky the weather will pick up too and we can have a grand time at Adventure World. I'm looking forward to it an unusual amount.

I'm feeling a bit better now. In all aspects. It'll be hard not to do those things that just come natural when you're a couple. And I guess I'll still feel like I'm copping a minor blow every time I have to admonished for doing something that I don't even realise I'm doing. We need each other, and if - at least for now - it can't be as lovers then at least we're still best of friends, which is better than hating each other's guts. Yeah, there probably are people out there that do alot more things that I like than Matt. And possibly I will fall in love with one eventually. But if he wants me back anytime before that I'm right back there. And if he does after it happens if it does?? I don't know. I have nothing against polygamy if all parties are perfectly okay with it. But that doesn't happen, there's always jealousy. And I hope he doesn't feel that just because we aren't twins that he's not worthy of me and that I deserve better. Goddamn he is worthy of me. I love him, I always will. Gee, that lump in the throat is back, dammit.

I just hope in the end we can all get ourselves untangled and end up happy, whatever that may entail. I'm kinda scared of it, scared everything will be tainted by memories and guilt.