Scarrry stuff
Sep. 5th, 2002 06:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gemfyre[8/4/2002 10:13:48 PM | Belinda Jayne]
goddamnit
I was gonna try and maybe write up my presentation here, maybe a change of scenery will help but NOOOO, that bastard part of my brain still makes me procrastinate. This is not a choice thing anymore, it's some chemical fuckup in my grey matter I swear.
[edit]
[8/4/2002 10:10:48 PM | Belinda Jayne]
I live far away... from everyone it seems, or so I'm told
I don't like my music so painfully loud it destroys my hearing, I love good music too much to want that to happen
I don't like destroying my brain with alcohol, even the alcohol I do like drinking I can never drink much of for a multitude of reasons
I can't stand the cold
I need sleep, I love to dream. I'm perpetually tired. I wish I knew why and could fix it.
I hate cigarrette smoke, it stinks, and smokers have no goddamn right to rot my lungs too.
So, does this mean I'm not entitled to any fun??
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:39:09 PM | Belinda Jayne]
Okay, I need to take a shower and pee now
and make my bed
and sleep sometime, 8:30 lectures when you live an hours drive from campus suck donkeys.
Don't drive tired!!
Well I'd like to be wide awake but circumstances don't allow it!!
Get your omega 3s, eat lots of seafood!!
I'd LOVE to eat seafood everyday. Will the health department pay for it tho??? If they were so serious about getting people healthy they would. Don't they realise seafood is EXPENSIVE, and I'm on YOUTHSTART??
Centerlink - you try to take a step up out of your rut by maybe... I dunno, getting a job?? oh NO, Centerlink must know about that so they can dock your pay enough to dump you back into that hole as deep as you were before. Screw that...
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:36:01 PM | Belinda Jayne]
this weekend I was gonna put a dent in this presentation I hafta write. Know what, NOTHING! except a printout of my kitty cat for it. *sigh*
Is there a pill for procrastionation?
Is there a pill that will stop my brain being so fucked and make me halfway normal so I can live normal like everyone else??
Is there a pill that will take away this being scaredness
Is there an anti-no pill?? So maybe sometimes people will say yes to me, instead of no in some way shape or form so I'll just go blank and sink back into the hole I hide in.
Homer Simpson said it, hence making a bloody serious issue a goddamn joke.
"you tried your best, and you failed. The lesson is never to try"
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:32:35 PM | Belinda Jayne]
hey guess what?
Humans suck!!
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:26:01 PM | Belinda Jayne]
Some guy would walk out into the woods in scream his head off to let our his frustrations with the world. He was considerate enough to get a bit away from civilisation to do it. Not far enough it seems. His neighbours were "disturbed" by it (just be goddamn grateful he didn't call you on the phone then do it!). They complained. The guy has been told not to do that anymore. WHAT!!!??? You'd rather he go out and SHOOT someone?? Crikey, no-one can say or do a bloody thing these days without some assholes complaining about it and winning the case. Fucking hell, ONCE a day, just deal with it. This guy has found a decent method of letting out his frustrations and all you can do is COMPLAIN!??
*grrs and grars all frustradedly like usual*
There should be allocated screaming areas in all suburbs. I bet there'd be a lot less bitchiness and violence if we did.
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:13:32 PM | Belinda Jayne]
I love how all these people who guess they know tell you "let your feelings out! Don't bottle it up!" blah blah blah. It's all well and good to say that but some people have trouble saying what they feel. They feel terrified that people will hate them for how they feel. So what is better, let it all fester and rot?? Or have everyone leave you?? I wish I knew what the heck to do. No problems ever get solved, the same thing just goes round and round in circles and nothing ever changes. I have great happy days and then something will happen, a rejection, a period of procrastination and blahness, and *shooonk* you're back at the bottom of the chasm. I always had dreams of finding people who understand me, a soulmate or two. All I find is that I feel like everyone just thinks I'm an annoyance. So is it me who perpetuates that feeling? Or others? I don't bloody know, I do know that no-one seems to want to help me.
I have a brick wall between my feelings and opinions and my voice
I CANNOT find the words to say what I want to say and I know want to say so much that it all gets tangled up and can never be sorted now.
Half the time in my life I feel like this hand is just reaching into my chest and ripping my heart out and god it hurts.
Why can't people make me happy?? Why do I hafta wait for my periods of bounciness only to have them shot down in flames again by someone??
I think I should just run off and live in a jungle with the animals. Animals are cool, there are no feelings and abstract thoughts among them. Everything just IS. No confusion, just live, survive, who gives a fuck about anyone else, as long as I'm okay and my genes are passed on.
Meh.
Is there ANYONE in the world who truly knows where I'm coming from??
*bangs head on desk some more* I hate circles.
[edit]
Stuff is better at the moment tho, which is good. Even tho I did write off my car stuff is better, believe it or not.
goddamnit
I was gonna try and maybe write up my presentation here, maybe a change of scenery will help but NOOOO, that bastard part of my brain still makes me procrastinate. This is not a choice thing anymore, it's some chemical fuckup in my grey matter I swear.
[edit]
[8/4/2002 10:10:48 PM | Belinda Jayne]
I live far away... from everyone it seems, or so I'm told
I don't like my music so painfully loud it destroys my hearing, I love good music too much to want that to happen
I don't like destroying my brain with alcohol, even the alcohol I do like drinking I can never drink much of for a multitude of reasons
I can't stand the cold
I need sleep, I love to dream. I'm perpetually tired. I wish I knew why and could fix it.
I hate cigarrette smoke, it stinks, and smokers have no goddamn right to rot my lungs too.
So, does this mean I'm not entitled to any fun??
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:39:09 PM | Belinda Jayne]
Okay, I need to take a shower and pee now
and make my bed
and sleep sometime, 8:30 lectures when you live an hours drive from campus suck donkeys.
Don't drive tired!!
Well I'd like to be wide awake but circumstances don't allow it!!
Get your omega 3s, eat lots of seafood!!
I'd LOVE to eat seafood everyday. Will the health department pay for it tho??? If they were so serious about getting people healthy they would. Don't they realise seafood is EXPENSIVE, and I'm on YOUTHSTART??
Centerlink - you try to take a step up out of your rut by maybe... I dunno, getting a job?? oh NO, Centerlink must know about that so they can dock your pay enough to dump you back into that hole as deep as you were before. Screw that...
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:36:01 PM | Belinda Jayne]
this weekend I was gonna put a dent in this presentation I hafta write. Know what, NOTHING! except a printout of my kitty cat for it. *sigh*
Is there a pill for procrastionation?
Is there a pill that will stop my brain being so fucked and make me halfway normal so I can live normal like everyone else??
Is there a pill that will take away this being scaredness
Is there an anti-no pill?? So maybe sometimes people will say yes to me, instead of no in some way shape or form so I'll just go blank and sink back into the hole I hide in.
Homer Simpson said it, hence making a bloody serious issue a goddamn joke.
"you tried your best, and you failed. The lesson is never to try"
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:32:35 PM | Belinda Jayne]
hey guess what?
Humans suck!!
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:26:01 PM | Belinda Jayne]
Some guy would walk out into the woods in scream his head off to let our his frustrations with the world. He was considerate enough to get a bit away from civilisation to do it. Not far enough it seems. His neighbours were "disturbed" by it (just be goddamn grateful he didn't call you on the phone then do it!). They complained. The guy has been told not to do that anymore. WHAT!!!??? You'd rather he go out and SHOOT someone?? Crikey, no-one can say or do a bloody thing these days without some assholes complaining about it and winning the case. Fucking hell, ONCE a day, just deal with it. This guy has found a decent method of letting out his frustrations and all you can do is COMPLAIN!??
*grrs and grars all frustradedly like usual*
There should be allocated screaming areas in all suburbs. I bet there'd be a lot less bitchiness and violence if we did.
[edit]
[8/4/2002 9:13:32 PM | Belinda Jayne]
I love how all these people who guess they know tell you "let your feelings out! Don't bottle it up!" blah blah blah. It's all well and good to say that but some people have trouble saying what they feel. They feel terrified that people will hate them for how they feel. So what is better, let it all fester and rot?? Or have everyone leave you?? I wish I knew what the heck to do. No problems ever get solved, the same thing just goes round and round in circles and nothing ever changes. I have great happy days and then something will happen, a rejection, a period of procrastination and blahness, and *shooonk* you're back at the bottom of the chasm. I always had dreams of finding people who understand me, a soulmate or two. All I find is that I feel like everyone just thinks I'm an annoyance. So is it me who perpetuates that feeling? Or others? I don't bloody know, I do know that no-one seems to want to help me.
I have a brick wall between my feelings and opinions and my voice
I CANNOT find the words to say what I want to say and I know want to say so much that it all gets tangled up and can never be sorted now.
Half the time in my life I feel like this hand is just reaching into my chest and ripping my heart out and god it hurts.
Why can't people make me happy?? Why do I hafta wait for my periods of bounciness only to have them shot down in flames again by someone??
I think I should just run off and live in a jungle with the animals. Animals are cool, there are no feelings and abstract thoughts among them. Everything just IS. No confusion, just live, survive, who gives a fuck about anyone else, as long as I'm okay and my genes are passed on.
Meh.
Is there ANYONE in the world who truly knows where I'm coming from??
*bangs head on desk some more* I hate circles.
[edit]
Stuff is better at the moment tho, which is good. Even tho I did write off my car stuff is better, believe it or not.
