Well, shit happens

[gemfyre]

Didn't get the job with AWC. I think my qualifications in the field made them wary - dammit.

Anyways, I now bring you one of the truest songs ever written.

Well Hi there. Thank you for downloading another fine quality comedy product from Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie and your friends at MP3.com - good for you. Of course, if you've downloaded this from Napster - Screw You! You know what - free isn't good enough for ya? You've gotta rip us off? That's okay! I will find you, and I will kill you, ha ha ha.

You see, I come from a time in the nineteen-hundred-and-seventies when computers were used for two things - to either go to the moon, or play Pong... nothing in between. Y'see, you didn't need a fancy operating system to play Pong, and the men who went to the moon--God Bless 'em--did it with no mouse, and a plain text-only black-and-white screen, and 32 kilobytes of RAM.

But then 'round 'bout the late 70's, home computers started to do a little more than play Pong... very little more. Like computers started to play games, and balance checkbooks, and why you could play Zaxxon on your Apple II, or... write a book! All with a computer that had 32 kilobytes of RAM! It was good enough to go to the moon, it was good enough for you.

It was a golden time. A time before Windows, a time before mouses, a time before the internet and bloatware, and a time... before every OS sucked.

*sigh*

Well, way back in the olden times,
my computer worked for me.
I'd laugh and play, all night and day,
on Zork I, II and III.

The Amiga, VIC-20 and the Sinclair II,
The TRS 80 and the Apple II,
they did what they were supposed to do,
it wasn't much... but it was enough.

But then Xerox made a prototype,
Steve Jobs came on the scene,
read "Of Mice and Menus," Windows, Icons
a trash, and a bitmap screen.

Well Stevie said to Xerox,
"Boys, turn your heads and cough."
And when no-one was looking,
he ripped their interfaces off.

Stole every feature that he had seen,
put it in a cute box with a tiny little screen,
Mac OS 1 ran that machine,
only cost five thousand bucks.

But it was slow, it was buggy,
so they wrote it again,
And now they're up to OS 10,
they'll charge you for the Beta, then charge you again,
but the Mac OS still sucks.

Every OS wastes your time,
from the desktop to the lap,
Everything since Apple Dos,
Just a bunch of crap.

From Microsoft, to Macintosh,
to Lin-line-lin-linux,
Every computer crashes,
'cause every OS sucks.

Well then Microsoft jumped in the game,
copied Apple's interface, with an OS named,
"Windows 3.1" - it was twice as lame,
but the stock price rose and rose.

Then Windows 95, then 98,
man solitaire never ran so great,
and every single version came out late,
but I guess that's the way it goes.

But that bloatware'll crash and delete your work,
NT, ME, man, none of 'em work.
Bill Gates may be richer than Captain Kirk,
but the Windows OS blows!
And sucks!
At the same time!

I'd trade it in, yeah right... for what?
It's top of the line from the Compuhut.
The fridge, stove and toaster, never crash on me,
I should be able to get online, without a PHD.

My phone doesn't take a week to boot it,
my TV doesn't crash when I mute it,
I miss ASCII text, and my floppy drive,
I wish VIC-20 was still alive...

But it ain't the hardware, man.

It's just that every OS sucks... and blows.

Now there's li-nux or lie-nux,
I don't know how you say it,
or how you install it, or use it, or play it,
or where you download it, or what programs run,
but li-nux, or lie-nux, don't look like much fun.

However you say it, it's getting great press,
though how it survives is anyone's guess,
If you ask me, it's a great big mess,
for elitist, nerdy shmucks.

"It's free!" they say, if you can get it to run,
the Geeks say, "Hey, that's half the fun!"
Yeah, but I got a girlfriend, and things to get done,
the Linux OS SUCKS.
(I'm sorry to say it, but it does.)

Every OS wastes your time,
from the desktop to the lap,
Everything since the abacus,
Just a bunch of crap.

From Microsoft, to Macintosh,
to Lin-line-lin-linux.
Every computer crashes,
'cause every OS sucks.

Every computer crashes... 'cause every OS sucks!

Comments

[leecetheartist.livejournal.com]

The songwriter obviously didn't have an EEE or Ubuntu. :-)
Sorry to hear you didn't get the job. :-(

Here's another computer shanty for you.

S-100 Bus
(tune: Bonnie Ship the Diamond)
(Frank Hayes)

When I was young, my friends all worked like fools to get their share
Of an S-100 system, like an Imsai or Altair;
Well the S-100's still around, I'm very glad to say
But friends, I'm here to tell you that it's not the same today.

chorus: And it's cheer up, my lads, let your hearts never fuss
When you're integrating systems for the S-100 bus.

To tell the truth, the source of all our troubles seems to be
A committee on computers of the I of triple E;
They settled on a standard spec, 696 by name
Now everything is standardized, but nothing works the same.

They say the 80 boards are way too slow - it's enough to give you fits
If the 09 isn't fast enough, then go to 16 bits.
68 and z8000 and an 86 as well,
And code compatability goes straight to bloody hell

Then add a board for the modem line and one for every port
and a printer board and a keyboard board, and as a last resort
For every problem we will add a board that has the cure,
It's not too damned efficient, but it's a mother, that's for sure.

And when it's all assembled there's computer to your collar,
It's nice to have a micro but a mainframe would be smaller.
And when they turn the power on, it's sure to dim the lamps
With plus or minus sixteen volts and fourteen hundred amps.

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

Bright side - just got a $5000 p/a payrise. :)

[leecetheartist.livejournal.com]

Cool!

[madradish.livejournal.com]

I have loved this song for years. Other 3 dead trolls stuff is good too. I especially like 'keep your parents off the internet'