Things I have learned
Aug. 10th, 2003 12:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gemfyreApparently to be a proper social animal you must be rude, intrusive, obnoxious and be able to lie and talk out of your ass.
I've never been one to make the first move. Just be polite and unassuming and wait for someone to come to you. Never happens. You have to go out there and MEET people. But when you do go and blow your own trumpet or repeat yourself and yell because no-one listened or acknowledged the first time you're labelled an attention seeker and ignored. How the FUCK does all this stuff work?
If someone doesn't want to care about your needs and wants and desires and ailments, you can't make them care. About all you can do is get over it and go out and seek out people who DO care.
Really, I've done this before. Instead of talking about it I should do it. I recall a party I went to once when I had to go home around midnight because I worked the next day. I just went around and declared that I at least wanted to be introduced to everyone before I had to go. I haven't seen those people in years, I don't even remember who most of them were. So much for that eh?
But, maybe if I do lie a bit, make myself memorable. Make people want my number and call me and do things with me and get to know me. It'll be weird lying, I'm not very good at it. But apparently it seems to the truth is not memorable enough. Maybe when I reel someone in with fibs I can let them know the truth. Will they stay or will they run?
"Go with your heart" and "Just be yourself". Yeah, they seem to be bullshit too. Myself is too fucking schizoid. Everyone just looks at me like I'm some circus freak then forgets, maybe talks about me from time to time as a curiousity.
Yes yes, I know some of you DO think I am worth knowing and stuff. Feel free to call me and ask me to do stuff. I'll be making a good attempt to do the same.
Why is it that some people seem to have all the time in the world for other people and are up and out as soon as the call is placed. Some of us have work and schedules. But in that case just the fact of getting the invite is nice enough. Being pawned off as not worth it because we'll have something else on is just the way to alienate people more. The more invites there are the probability that we can make it to some of those invites increases.
I still need to move out. Caught between the rock and a hard place. I have no money or resources to move out but I NEED the proximity to other people and to get away from parents and an environment that is driving me insane and isn't awfully conducive for study.
I have been accused of being immature, like it's a bad thing to be so. I don't get it. Because I collect my favourite childhood toy and don't talk openly about sex I'm labeled as immature. By someone who does not give a shit about how other people are feeling. Like a 2 year old who's every toy is MINE and doesn't know the concept of sharing or realising that others have differing thoughs and feelings. It just doesn't make sense. It's okay to be 2 year old immature but not okay to be nostalgic, "leave bedroom stuff in the bedroom" immature. *shrug*
At the moment all the bits of me seem to be parrallel instead of linear like they used to be. Happy me would be around till it got late and I got tired. The someone would trigger sad me and they'd settle in for the night sometimes joined by frustrated me. Those two just feed off each other until exhaustion takes over and the next morning the feeling's gone but you feel hollow because of it. At the moment happy me and you-don't-have-to-take-this-bullshit me are running in conjuction with sad me and frustrated me and I'll-bow-to-you-and-do-anything-you-say me. My brain's finding it a little hard to cope but like all things, you do what must and survive it.
Que sera sera I guess...
I've never been one to make the first move. Just be polite and unassuming and wait for someone to come to you. Never happens. You have to go out there and MEET people. But when you do go and blow your own trumpet or repeat yourself and yell because no-one listened or acknowledged the first time you're labelled an attention seeker and ignored. How the FUCK does all this stuff work?
If someone doesn't want to care about your needs and wants and desires and ailments, you can't make them care. About all you can do is get over it and go out and seek out people who DO care.
Really, I've done this before. Instead of talking about it I should do it. I recall a party I went to once when I had to go home around midnight because I worked the next day. I just went around and declared that I at least wanted to be introduced to everyone before I had to go. I haven't seen those people in years, I don't even remember who most of them were. So much for that eh?
But, maybe if I do lie a bit, make myself memorable. Make people want my number and call me and do things with me and get to know me. It'll be weird lying, I'm not very good at it. But apparently it seems to the truth is not memorable enough. Maybe when I reel someone in with fibs I can let them know the truth. Will they stay or will they run?
"Go with your heart" and "Just be yourself". Yeah, they seem to be bullshit too. Myself is too fucking schizoid. Everyone just looks at me like I'm some circus freak then forgets, maybe talks about me from time to time as a curiousity.
Yes yes, I know some of you DO think I am worth knowing and stuff. Feel free to call me and ask me to do stuff. I'll be making a good attempt to do the same.
Why is it that some people seem to have all the time in the world for other people and are up and out as soon as the call is placed. Some of us have work and schedules. But in that case just the fact of getting the invite is nice enough. Being pawned off as not worth it because we'll have something else on is just the way to alienate people more. The more invites there are the probability that we can make it to some of those invites increases.
I still need to move out. Caught between the rock and a hard place. I have no money or resources to move out but I NEED the proximity to other people and to get away from parents and an environment that is driving me insane and isn't awfully conducive for study.
I have been accused of being immature, like it's a bad thing to be so. I don't get it. Because I collect my favourite childhood toy and don't talk openly about sex I'm labeled as immature. By someone who does not give a shit about how other people are feeling. Like a 2 year old who's every toy is MINE and doesn't know the concept of sharing or realising that others have differing thoughs and feelings. It just doesn't make sense. It's okay to be 2 year old immature but not okay to be nostalgic, "leave bedroom stuff in the bedroom" immature. *shrug*
At the moment all the bits of me seem to be parrallel instead of linear like they used to be. Happy me would be around till it got late and I got tired. The someone would trigger sad me and they'd settle in for the night sometimes joined by frustrated me. Those two just feed off each other until exhaustion takes over and the next morning the feeling's gone but you feel hollow because of it. At the moment happy me and you-don't-have-to-take-this-bullshit me are running in conjuction with sad me and frustrated me and I'll-bow-to-you-and-do-anything-you-say me. My brain's finding it a little hard to cope but like all things, you do what must and survive it.
Que sera sera I guess...
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-09 09:31 pm (UTC)Personally, i don't think you need to lie. I think proper friends are far and few between these days and you meet a lot of people who are going to never be what you want them to be. So i think lieing to satisfy them isn't really the thing to do. I know just being yourself doesn't work either but i think that it's probably better than lieing.
Also theres nothing wrong with collecting ponies. Everyone has an interest or a hobby.. just the fact that it's from when you were a child doesn't make you immature. And the fact you don't talk openly about sex does not make you immature in my eyes anyway. Everyone has their own view on it and some choose to keep it to themselves and some declare it to the world. I think which ever to their own.
I'm not sure if any of this helps but i know what it feels like when you feel like your not worth it and people can't seem to fit you into their busy schedule but they can fit other things into it like that.
I've been told that you meet few proper friends among the many other people but you'll meet them all eventually and they'll make you feel special and worth it. Just got to be patient :D (which is hard if you are sick of waiting ;p).
byee :)