I want to leave the nest

I so want to move out, unfortunately the only place I want to move into already has it's quotaed 3 residents *sigh*. I am getting so sick of having to drive ALLLL the way home only to sit on the computer and bum around and be annoyed and distracted by my parents.

I so cannot get this lab report done, my brain is totally constipated. Then I will have the law essay to do and I have no clue about the law stuff. And the Ecology stuff, tho the lectures make sense, like law I have done barely ANY of the readings so have missed out on a lot. I'm so scared I'm gonna fail but all I want to do is go out and ENJOY myself for a change!!

I so live for weekends. Friday 2:30 I dash over to Matt's place and socialise and have FUN until late Sunday when I hafta crawl back home again. :( If only I lived there it would be soooooo much better.

*sighs again*

I've been doing an awful lot of sighing lately. My life... arrangements, are not how I want them to be. *sighs again*

I want to leave the nest

I so want to move out, unfortunately the only place I want to move into already has it's quotaed 3 residents *sigh*. I am getting so sick of having to drive ALLLL the way home only to sit on the computer and bum around and be annoyed and distracted by my parents.

I so cannot get this lab report done, my brain is totally constipated. Then I will have the law essay to do and I have no clue about the law stuff. And the Ecology stuff, tho the lectures make sense, like law I have done barely ANY of the readings so have missed out on a lot. I'm so scared I'm gonna fail but all I want to do is go out and ENJOY myself for a change!!

I so live for weekends. Friday 2:30 I dash over to Matt's place and socialise and have FUN until late Sunday when I hafta crawl back home again. :( If only I lived there it would be soooooo much better.

*sighs again*

I've been doing an awful lot of sighing lately. My life... arrangements, are not how I want them to be. *sighs again*

(no subject)

Apparently I got drunk last nyte. I had a few shotties, I like shotties, they taste nice. Then I started feeling queasy so I sat down. My brain started working overtime and getting paranoid as it does all too often, even when I'm sober. And my legs started shaking, I have no idea why because I WAS NOT COLD!! They were just shaking. It was really horrible last nyte, just how my mind is so screwed up and loves playing cruel tricks on me and turning me into a sobbing mess. It's all bad.

I don't get how people can figure losing control and doing stupid things and making themselves ill can be fun. I just... don't get people. I live so far away and I'm so isolated and I just can't seem to get close to anyone but Matt. I feel like I'm encroaching on them and pissing them off and I guess I care too much about their feelings that I completely forget my own and put myself lower on the list of importance. It's all some fucked up self-esteem/confidence thing and I don't know when everything started going screwy but I so wish I could find that brick wall in my brain and bash it down and be halfway NORMAL for a change. I guess spending your high school years as a near on recluse because you were afraid to do anything slightly rebellious because you were shit scared of getting in trouble has something to do with it. I just never learned how to be a social animal. Why couldn't I be like all the other kids and not be afraid of getting in trouble and just DO some of those stupid things that kids NEED to do. Instead I lived under a rock and look and how it ended up - I'm an utter nutcase.

I wish for maybe a week or something people could just read my mind or something and just make my dreams come true for a while. That would give me a chance to heal maybe. At the moment it's like trying to surface in a sea full of waves. I start reaching the top then another wave crashes on me and I sink under again and I never get anywhere. Someone throw me a life raft PLEASE!!!

(no subject)

Apparently I got drunk last nyte. I had a few shotties, I like shotties, they taste nice. Then I started feeling queasy so I sat down. My brain started working overtime and getting paranoid as it does all too often, even when I'm sober. And my legs started shaking, I have no idea why because I WAS NOT COLD!! They were just shaking. It was really horrible last nyte, just how my mind is so screwed up and loves playing cruel tricks on me and turning me into a sobbing mess. It's all bad.

I don't get how people can figure losing control and doing stupid things and making themselves ill can be fun. I just... don't get people. I live so far away and I'm so isolated and I just can't seem to get close to anyone but Matt. I feel like I'm encroaching on them and pissing them off and I guess I care too much about their feelings that I completely forget my own and put myself lower on the list of importance. It's all some fucked up self-esteem/confidence thing and I don't know when everything started going screwy but I so wish I could find that brick wall in my brain and bash it down and be halfway NORMAL for a change. I guess spending your high school years as a near on recluse because you were afraid to do anything slightly rebellious because you were shit scared of getting in trouble has something to do with it. I just never learned how to be a social animal. Why couldn't I be like all the other kids and not be afraid of getting in trouble and just DO some of those stupid things that kids NEED to do. Instead I lived under a rock and look and how it ended up - I'm an utter nutcase.

I wish for maybe a week or something people could just read my mind or something and just make my dreams come true for a while. That would give me a chance to heal maybe. At the moment it's like trying to surface in a sea full of waves. I start reaching the top then another wave crashes on me and I sink under again and I never get anywhere. Someone throw me a life raft PLEASE!!!

(no subject)

(no subject)

I am Useless... this is a Useless test

rofl!!!!

I am Useless... this is a Useless test

rofl!!!!

(no subject)

OW!! fuck!! #^@^%!&!!

I just walked too close to one of the kitchen chairs and whacked my thumb on the post bit at the top. Thing is it was nail first and kinda bent my nail back, now it's all going a lovely shade of purple.

I STILL have barely any lab report done and it is NOT going to be finished on time because I have bowling tomorrow and I much prefer bowling. I know it's probably fucked up prioritising but at the moment what I need is a good time.

It's 11:30 and I hafta be up at 6am, I really should go to bed. I'm amazingly not tired now but I sure as heck will be in the morning.

(no subject)

OW!! fuck!! #^@^%!&!!

I just walked too close to one of the kitchen chairs and whacked my thumb on the post bit at the top. Thing is it was nail first and kinda bent my nail back, now it's all going a lovely shade of purple.

I STILL have barely any lab report done and it is NOT going to be finished on time because I have bowling tomorrow and I much prefer bowling. I know it's probably fucked up prioritising but at the moment what I need is a good time.

It's 11:30 and I hafta be up at 6am, I really should go to bed. I'm amazingly not tired now but I sure as heck will be in the morning.