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gemfyre...you assume you can make friends with anybody just by chatting for a
couple of hours.
...you assume you can talk them into bed or to moving in, or marriage, just
by talking to them a little more.
...you worry that if you don't talk to a friend within a few days s/he won't
be a friend anymore.
...you just move into a new neighborhood and you refuse to sleep with your
spouse.
...you try to change clothes by spinning in place.
...you attempt to urinate without dropping your pants/hiking up your skirt
or dress.
...you make the person who is driving you to work wait an hour first in
her/his car while you cook yourself breakfast.
...you casually make a descision to have a child, assuming that it will just
magically appear next to you without having to go through the burden of
pregnancy.
...you assume that said baby will be completely able to take care of itself
after three days, since s/he will suddenly be a few years older.
...you speak into a mirror for hours on end, believing this will make you
charismatic.
...you hire a maid and never talk to her once.
...making animal noises is part of your sexual routine.
...you have to be reminded to go to the bathroom before you make a puddle on
the floor.
...you like your children 1) only half as much as you can when you first
have them and 2) as much as you possibly could, but NEVER actually love
them.
...you casually get undressed in front of anyone, since you assume your body
is hidden by a nude patch.
...you never wonder where the food in your refrigerator comes from, even
though you never go shopping.
...you keep potato chips in the refrigerator.
...you have to read a book on cooking in order to avoid setting fire to
the stove.
...you actually become so sleeply that you can't make those last few steps
to the bed, and collapse on the floor.
...you actually have to be told to turn off that stereo that's keeping you
awake.
...you don't call the police when a mime you don't even know enters your
home without permission and hangs around depressing everyone.
...you stand in place and do or say nothing if a person is standing in your
way.
...you worry about catching something from your pet hamster.
...you consider saying 'yes' when a stranger calls you on the phone and
offers you a baby.
...you see no problem with having sex with someone while a child is standing
near the bed.
...you walk around your new home applauding inanimate objects.
... Whenever you meet someone new, you shake their hand and say "Comas
Nala".
...Even though your phone is right beside your bed, if you're sleeping when
it rings, you stand up, stretch and grumble for ten minutes before answering
it.
...You do something really stupid you think "Ahhh, I just won't 'save'
today."
...The only things you clean in your home are the beds, toilet, shower, and
dishes.
...You don't mind paying $40 for a pizza, or $50 for someone to come change
your lightbulbs.
...You get to the top of your job ladder, you're not mad when you find out
you've been transferred to a much lower paying job.
...You're afraid to look in a telescope because you may be abducted by
aliens.
...It's not uncommon for your neighbors to have pools and mechanical bulls,
but not one of them can drive their own car.
...When you go downtown you don't expect to see any children whatsoever.
...You and your spouse don't think twice about leaving your children
unattended while you go to work or downtown, but if you have a baby, and it
cries twice without you running to it, you fear child services will take it
away.
...You don't get upset when your child is sent to military school, and is
never seen again.
...You think that after having sex you must first jump out of bed, put your
clothes back on, then change to PJ's before going to sleep.
...You write move_objects on a piece of paper trying to delete your self &
re-appear fully refreshed
...Someone stands in front of you, you put the dishes on the floor & walk
away.
...Flies buzz around your head when you havent had a shower.
...You never gain a pound or grow a day
...To pick up a dish that's sitting on the table, you first sit down in
front of it, before you pick it up.
...You expect to find an ideal job within minutes of your first look at a
newspaper or at online job listings.
...Your job in crime puts you on equal footing with another's job in
fighting crime.
...You can explain what "Reticulating Splines" means.
...You refer to Mortimer & Bella Goth as casual aquaintences or good
friends.
...You can't make love with your lover unless it is some grotesque heart
bed.
...You try to stick $20 into your bed before you make love.
...You wonder why there is no "cha ching" sound when you take something from
the refrigerator.
...You work 7 days a week and think nothing of it.
...You believe that mayor is higher politically than a senator.
...You begin seeing a blur when someone is nude, bathing or using the
toilet.
...You're not be surprised if your house is completely rebuilt or even a
different address when you return from work or wake up in the morning.
...You think that making garden gnomes might be a great way to make extra
money.
...You think you're gonna have sex with someone just by getting into bed and choosing
"vibrate".
...You think you'll be energized by fruitcake (especially if you think it is
magic).
...You got to an ATM and type in Rosebud and expect to get $1,000.
...You wonder why there is more than just bills in your mailbox.
...You wonder why your kids grew up and didn't stay 10 years old forever.
...You think you can learn to play the piano simply by sitting at it
tinkling the keys till you can play wonderful pieces.
...Your spouse will never object to anything you buy no matter how
extravagent or impractical.
...You wonder if it is about time you invested in a do-everything robot to
take care of the house.
...You buy a car, but still use a carpool.
...You look forward to downloading a facelift for free or change your
personality.
...It comes as a shock that nude women have nipples & men have genitals.
...You get puzzled that your pee isn't blue.
...You kill your annoying neighbour & are surprised when the cops arrest
you.
...You have company at your house after midnight & the cops don't come to
fine you. BJ's Comment - Oh but they DO!
....It seems bizarre that a friend sleeps over on your couch rather than on
your sidewalk.
...You hope your husband fails to unplug the tv before repairing it cause you
really really want to see the blue & white flashy skeleton thingie.
...The thought of having urns or tombstones on your property seems like a
good thing, because you might get to see ghosts.
...Getting a job, it is surprising that you actually have to bother with an
interview first.
...It is shocking when you hear about an off-duty cop actually nabbing a
house burglar.
...It starts raining/ snowing/(insert other weather event here) and you
think "Huh? What the f---???"
...Clutter of any sort is confusing, but trash (complete with buzzing flies)
in the middle of the kitchen floor is not.
...You get scared your cat/dog/pig/llama/(insert animal type here) will
starve & die if not fed 3-4 times a day.
...You are amazed that you can actually play with the software you received
as a gift.
...You get concerned when you take someone out & they have enough sense to
go to the bathroom on their own without you leading them in there. Even more
amazing is that they wash their hands afterwards...!
...You forget that you can go over to a friend's house without being
invited. Even more amazing is that you are not compelled to help yourself to
food & can turn on the tv/stereo/(insert household item
here) all by yourself.
...You hug a friend & are cringing for the next 10 minutes, waiting for the
inevitable slap from your spouse.
...You are waiting for the entire neighbourhood to pile into your house &
start clapping when you carve the Thanksgiving turkey.
...You give someone a fruitcake & are completely floored when they don't eat
it.
...You forget that you can kill roaches by stomping them & spray flies to
get rid of them. Somehow it seems strange that you can't just cheat & sell
them for $640.
...You find it terribly inconvenient & annoying that major home improvements
(like adding a new room to the house) take more than 5 minutes to
finish.
...You feel inadequate that you can't afford neither a maid nor a gardener.
...You start thinking that split-level homes, 3 story (or greater) homes or
anything placed on a slope somehow violates a fundamental law of physics, or
at least some local building ordinance.
...You keep looking over your head for the spinning diamond doo-dad to see
if God has you selected.
...When you can't go into a store or supermarket without visualizing what
your sims store etc would look like
...When you constantly say in real life " Oh, that chair etc... would look
good in my sims game"
...You hear your real life child humming "hoo ha, hoo ha, de dum, de dum,"
while playing with their dollhouse.
...Suddenly fashions from the 70's seemlike a good idea the second time
around.
... The puke green carpet in your parent's living room looks great with the
orange loveseat.
...It seems perfectly acceptable to wear a crop top and bell bottom pants to
work. Especially when you shouldn't.
...Your shopping with your friends and they try on clothes while you stand
there clapping and stomping like an idiot.
...Slow dancing with the biker in the fedora near the jukebox at the bar
seems like a good idea.
...Pulling a puppet out of the back of your pants and babbling like a small
child to make your significant other seems like a reasonable way to get them to like you better.
...You can wear a swimsuit, but still manage to carry a spray can of
insecticide wherever you go.
...You eat boiled vegetables with milk every single day for breakfast lunch
and dinner and can still say "mmm yum!" (Milk carton and all too)
...You're exhausted: you ache all over from exhaustion and furthermore you
can barely keep your eyes open, and you put these facts together in your
tiny mind at 4 am and come to the stunning conclusion that it's
time for an invigorating swim in the pool.
...You adopt a kid sight unseen via telephone and even name the child
without consulting your significant other first.
...There are four bathrooms in your house and counting yourself and your
guests there are four people in the house, but you all decide to use the
same bathroom, nobody gives way, and you all end up pissing on the
floor.
...You'll entertain guests wearing your swimsuit or pajamas, and even go
downtown dressed in your swimsuit or pajamas.
...You sneak downtown without your spouse to engage in some hanky panky and
end up dancing all night with your spouse who also snuck downtown looking
for some hanky-panky, basically because you are the only people in town who
are speaking to each other.
...You begin to carry your pool cue in your ass.
...You say at supper "Dis graw iss fredashay!"
...You get sick and know that staring at a painting will cure you
...You get sick and head for your home chemistry set to create a cure
...You get sick and send someone out to eat fruitcake.
... You put the burglar alarm closest to the end of the street where people
come from, so you'll have a better chance to catch the burglar and collect
the insurance reward.
... You put your most expensive piece of art in the bathroom
... You buy a piece of furniture, you try them out in every corner of a wall
and hoping it wouldn't bleed through.
... You write an email to the furniture maker, and compliment their table is
in the right perspective.
... You try to dance like a Sim.
... A favorite furniture store closed down, you think it's because its
bandwidth bill is too large.
... You pick up a dish on the ground and begin to eat it, even when it was
half eaten and stepped on by a handful of guests.
... You got a yellow (or red!) bill in your mailbox.
... You got stuck on a park swing chair, and blame it on the stupid patch.
