Chemical Imbalance?

I have some serious problem. I'm not sure if it's a bizarrely ingrained attitude problem or a genuine chemical imbalance or something in my brain.

I'm always analysing stuff and mostly thinking "well, this could have happened and it would have been a heap better". I keep wanting life to pan out like a movie where something utterly awesome happens in the end and everyone is happy, but of course, movies (and books) are FICTION. It just doesn't happen in real life, even the ones "based on true stories" just DON'T happen. I have stuff to be happy about, I am comparitively lucky, I have had no major trauma in my life, there is NO REASON for me to be this ungrateful sulky bitch I've become. I think the biggest problem is that I'm awfully aware I'm ruining good times and stuff, but I just can't stop my "episodes" once they are triggered. The nasty bit of my brain always seems to overpower the bit that just wants it to get over it and shut up and be HAPPY! I'm too wrapped up in this "don't be insincere and don't pretend to be happy when you're not" crap. I now can't tell if I'm happy or not or if it's just my brain playing tricks on me.

It's an effort to just tell that part of my brain to fuck off and leave me alone and believe what I wanna believe. I've developed this twisted tangled web in my mind and I need to find a way to get rid of it and just be normal for a change.

Chemical Imbalance?

I have some serious problem. I'm not sure if it's a bizarrely ingrained attitude problem or a genuine chemical imbalance or something in my brain.

I'm always analysing stuff and mostly thinking "well, this could have happened and it would have been a heap better". I keep wanting life to pan out like a movie where something utterly awesome happens in the end and everyone is happy, but of course, movies (and books) are FICTION. It just doesn't happen in real life, even the ones "based on true stories" just DON'T happen. I have stuff to be happy about, I am comparitively lucky, I have had no major trauma in my life, there is NO REASON for me to be this ungrateful sulky bitch I've become. I think the biggest problem is that I'm awfully aware I'm ruining good times and stuff, but I just can't stop my "episodes" once they are triggered. The nasty bit of my brain always seems to overpower the bit that just wants it to get over it and shut up and be HAPPY! I'm too wrapped up in this "don't be insincere and don't pretend to be happy when you're not" crap. I now can't tell if I'm happy or not or if it's just my brain playing tricks on me.

It's an effort to just tell that part of my brain to fuck off and leave me alone and believe what I wanna believe. I've developed this twisted tangled web in my mind and I need to find a way to get rid of it and just be normal for a change.

New piccy

This is my My Little Pony alter-ego, Cosmos.

She's also the most special pony in my herd and possibly my rarest and most valuable as well.

New piccy

This is my My Little Pony alter-ego, Cosmos.

She's also the most special pony in my herd and possibly my rarest and most valuable as well.

Essay

Is not getting done
I don't know if I'm being granted an extension or not, I did ask for one but haven't heard back.

I might get around to it by Thursday, which is the date it SHOULD be due seeing we actually have a lecture that day.

The whole thing sucketh royally. Mum will have a pink fit if I withdraw from the unit, but I'm likel to fail and better to have a withdrawn than a fail added to my grade point average.

The other thing is I don't know what Centerstink will do if I'm not doing a "full load" at uni. They'll probably want to dock my youthstart a heap just because I'm doing contact hours less. Oh yeah, I can sooo get a decent job with that extra random 2 hours!! *rolls eyes*

Essay

Is not getting done
I don't know if I'm being granted an extension or not, I did ask for one but haven't heard back.

I might get around to it by Thursday, which is the date it SHOULD be due seeing we actually have a lecture that day.

The whole thing sucketh royally. Mum will have a pink fit if I withdraw from the unit, but I'm likel to fail and better to have a withdrawn than a fail added to my grade point average.

The other thing is I don't know what Centerstink will do if I'm not doing a "full load" at uni. They'll probably want to dock my youthstart a heap just because I'm doing contact hours less. Oh yeah, I can sooo get a decent job with that extra random 2 hours!! *rolls eyes*

Juiiiicccee!!

I want juice
But there is no juice

How dare mum give me a stirfry if there is no juice!!


*screams*

water just won't cut it. Neither will cordial *blegh*

Juiiiicccee!!

I want juice
But there is no juice

How dare mum give me a stirfry if there is no juice!!


*screams*

water just won't cut it. Neither will cordial *blegh*

Maybe something's wrong with you that makes you feel the way you do, Maybe I am crazy too

I am absolutely sick of that song, but a few of the lines I really should live by

"It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got"

The problem isn't that I don't appreciate what I have. The problem is I see flaws in everything and want to improve it and get sad when I can't.

Must... try.. and... just... be... happy.

Maybe something's wrong with you that makes you feel the way you do, Maybe I am crazy too

I am absolutely sick of that song, but a few of the lines I really should live by

"It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got"

The problem isn't that I don't appreciate what I have. The problem is I see flaws in everything and want to improve it and get sad when I can't.

Must... try.. and... just... be... happy.

(no subject)

Which Computer Component Are you?






Find out what kind of driver you are!
You are among the most intelligent and best mannered among all drivers. When you are in a hurry, you may push it a little, but you never race. When you are relaxed, you don't impede others by driving like a turtle. You are mindful of others and occasionally downright nice, but mostly you keep your wits and keel.

Indeed, what's the big rush?? I'd rather not end up dead thank you. I got over my suicidal tendencies years ago.

(no subject)

Which Computer Component Are you?






Find out what kind of driver you are!
You are among the most intelligent and best mannered among all drivers. When you are in a hurry, you may push it a little, but you never race. When you are relaxed, you don't impede others by driving like a turtle. You are mindful of others and occasionally downright nice, but mostly you keep your wits and keel.

Indeed, what's the big rush?? I'd rather not end up dead thank you. I got over my suicidal tendencies years ago.