Chemical Imbalance?

[gemfyre]

I have some serious problem. I'm not sure if it's a bizarrely ingrained attitude problem or a genuine chemical imbalance or something in my brain.

I'm always analysing stuff and mostly thinking "well, this could have happened and it would have been a heap better". I keep wanting life to pan out like a movie where something utterly awesome happens in the end and everyone is happy, but of course, movies (and books) are FICTION. It just doesn't happen in real life, even the ones "based on true stories" just DON'T happen. I have stuff to be happy about, I am comparitively lucky, I have had no major trauma in my life, there is NO REASON for me to be this ungrateful sulky bitch I've become. I think the biggest problem is that I'm awfully aware I'm ruining good times and stuff, but I just can't stop my "episodes" once they are triggered. The nasty bit of my brain always seems to overpower the bit that just wants it to get over it and shut up and be HAPPY! I'm too wrapped up in this "don't be insincere and don't pretend to be happy when you're not" crap. I now can't tell if I'm happy or not or if it's just my brain playing tricks on me.

It's an effort to just tell that part of my brain to fuck off and leave me alone and believe what I wanna believe. I've developed this twisted tangled web in my mind and I need to find a way to get rid of it and just be normal for a change.

Comments

[marcyleecorgan.livejournal.com]

is that butterscotch in your icon? i looooove butterscotch!

Re:

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

Nope
it's alternate birthflower Cosmos
read my next post along :)

[marcyleecorgan.livejournal.com]

oooohhhh! the colour just makes her look like butterscotch! she's gorgeous though.

[imaginor.livejournal.com]

I'm a little bit like you, although I don't think about movies and want things to be a certain way. I usually am unhappy and I have no idea why...I mean I do have many things to be happy about although most of the time I do go around with an unhappy attitude. As a result of this I generally don't know what I'm feeling. People will ask me "what are you feeling right now, are you happy or what?" and I usually respond with "I don't know what I feel" and it's the truth..I honestly don't know! I always just thought I was different than other people and it wasn't a real issue, but probably in the last year or so I've been thinking maybe there is something wrong with me. I really don't want to find out if it is just me or if there is something wrong.

Hopsi

[sassamifrass.livejournal.com]

I do this too... I thought I was the only one ^^ Miek says I'm insane. Bah I say!

sassa