My first Safe Space Warning!

[gemfyre]

In VagPag. I'm so proud.

I was kind of expecting it.

Guy has sex with girl, she has previously stated, no condom, no sex (she is poly, but really, that's irrelevant).

Guy removes condom halfway through - putting HER at risk of STDs and pregnancy - and later claims he "was excited" and "Wasn't thinking".

I called him an ass, someone else said he was a tool.

Wouldn't you agree? We both got warnings. Peh.

Comments

[sternenglanz.livejournal.com]

The words that came to my mind first were "fucking scumbag".

How is it a safe space violation to support someone by stating that breaking sexual consent boundaries and putting them at risk is not cool? (Please note: I am not a member of VP and would probably not last very long there.)

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

Other people did state that it wasn't cool as well.

It's the whole personal attack thing that warrants the warning.
But still, he's essentially attacked her, what's a bit of mild name-calling when she could have ended up sick or unwantedly pregnant?

[stawberi.livejournal.com]

Mild name-calling against someone who is not the OP is hardly a violation of Safe Space.

[honeyjubilee.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you. She had rules, he knew them, he chose to break them without, it seems, caring about the consequences for her. I fail to see how calling someone an ass when he's obviously been an ass makes this no longer a "safe space".

[ariaflame.livejournal.com]

Not to excuse the guy, who did a truly stupid thing.... But (and I'm cursed with being the person who can see both sides of an argument) just because someone does a stupid thing, doesn't necessarily make the person completely stupid.

I guess the difference is between condemning the stupid act, and condemning the person who did it.

[jet-ski.livejournal.com]

um, in my opinion it does.... you rightfully should be judged by your actions - this is the way society is - you do something bad, you go to jail for it. Noone says 'oh well he's not totally bad so you shouldn't call him names'.

[wolflullaby.livejournal.com]

I may get flamed for this, but I agree with the ops. A safe space is supposed to be a safe space for everyone, not just for people that we like and agree with.

What the guy did was horrible, and he is a scumbag... but if he is in a safe space forum, then he has the right to not be abused (even if he deserves it!).

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

The poster was the girl he had breached the trust of, not him.

I do agree with safe-space, I was totally expecting the warning. I do think it goes a bit far sometimes but really, it doesn't affect me personally so I guess it's better to be a 'safe-space' that people can feel comfortable talking in.

[wolflullaby.livejournal.com]

Hmmm interesting. That's a little different then. I haven't read the rules on posting at VagPag, but maybe the Safe Space includes trying to stop negative or non-productive comments.

I mean, aside from making you, and maybe her feel better, name calling doesn't achieve much.

As an aside... that situation really sucks for the girl. And what a jerk the guy is! I was turned on, so all the consequences that affect your life are meaningless to me. I'm so grateful to be in a solid long term relationship, and to not have to deal with dating anymore (not that I've ever dated anyone who was a jerk like that!)

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

See!

Even you called him a jerk. It's a natural reaction. :)

[wolflullaby.livejournal.com]

heh, true. But depending what situation I was in would depend on how loud I said it. ;)

[ariaflame.livejournal.com]

If people got labelled as permanently stupid the first time they did a stupid act, there wouldn't be a non-stupid person in the world. I'm not saying that this guy didn't do a massively stupid act. And he may indeed be consistent enough in this sort of stupidity to label him that way.

All I am saying is there are arguments for taking a little care before starting name-calling. If a child for example makes a mistake, the ideal thing to do is to explain to the child where they made the mistake and where they might avoid doing that in future. Telling the child that they are stupid and/or useless isn't going to help anyone.

And yes I know this guy isn't a child. I'm not even remotely suggesting that what he did was right, or that he shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of the truly stupid decision he made, just that emotive name-calling may not be the optimum strategy (though I admit that I do call bad drivers some bad names, but that is in the privacy of my car and for venting purposes only)