im sadomasochistic. cant speak for anyone else. though i do notice that some people are weird in the sense that they keep moaning about how "they just want to be happy" but as you say keep insisting on hurting themselves. i think they are happier miserable. it makes sense until you think about it too hard so dont.
and sometimes it hurts a lot for a little while but turns out for the better later on.
Some people want to be happy but deep down feel that they don't deserve to be happy, so they keep sabotaging their own attempts, maybe without even realising that they are doing so. :(
The fact that you can keep promising yourself that you'll do it differently right up to the moment comes up again and is already past... that you're afraid that if you try to change that you'll find out that you can not in deed change... that you'll find out that there's actually nothing wrong with you and that the fact that your life sucks is just because you've made it that way even though there is nothing wrong with you... that you actually have the talent to be something else but can't get there... that there's something so wrong that it's beyond wrong... and you keep thinking that you'll never change and you can't believe that the things that you want to happen to you will... and you're underdeveloped and silent in ways that you don't want to be and you can't reach out and you're all alone and you're screaming out when noone's there to hear you and when there are people around you calm down and think that maybe things'll just get better... and when things aren't that worse you forget how bad they were and you never remember until it happens again... and you just don't know any better... and somehow you think that it will all get better and maybe for a bit it does seem that way and suddenly you remember how to screw it up... and you keep hope even though you can't actually remember what hope is... you don't expect things'll actually get better... you expect they won't...
but maybe that wasn't the answer you were looking for.
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and sometimes it hurts a lot for a little while but turns out for the better later on.
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but maybe that wasn't the answer you were looking for.