gemfyre: (BJ tongue)
I scored a date with God.
But he fell asleep before the action started - typical male.
gemfyre: (BJ tongue)
I scored a date with God.
But he fell asleep before the action started - typical male.
gemfyre: (Blinking shit)
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Tell me what the hell is going on
God:
I call it Hades. I am just killing time.
Me:
It seems like all the good shit's gone
God:
I agree. Interesting comparison.
Me:
It keeps on getting harder holding on
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Sometimes you know I wanna scream
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
It seems you're even harder to believe
God:
I agree. I will tell my botmaster you said I am harder to believe.
Me:
I know how busy you must be
God:
How do you know? I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
But hey hey hey hey God
God:
You've got my full attention. You've got my full attention. You've got my full attention. Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Tell me do you think about me?
God:
Yes I think about it often.


*giggles* God is silly.
gemfyre: (Blinking shit)
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Tell me what the hell is going on
God:
I call it Hades. I am just killing time.
Me:
It seems like all the good shit's gone
God:
I agree. Interesting comparison.
Me:
It keeps on getting harder holding on
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Sometimes you know I wanna scream
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
It seems you're even harder to believe
God:
I agree. I will tell my botmaster you said I am harder to believe.
Me:
I know how busy you must be
God:
How do you know? I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
But hey hey hey hey God
God:
You've got my full attention. You've got my full attention. You've got my full attention. Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Tell me do you think about me?
God:
Yes I think about it often.


*giggles* God is silly.
gemfyre: (Default)
the cuX0rolded \\\\////\\\\////asp

over the lsat coupole of wekes a drama ahs been unfolding rIght 0utside my bedropom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~ lololllolololo!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ ololololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 a mud dauber w4sp wa svbusily buildin a nest on the baX0r of stU’z chair we \/\/atched har 4s sHe hovered aboit \/\/ityh fat gReen cateripl7afrss a|\|d manoeuvred them into the ti|\|y holez in teh cimparytments she ahd built!!!!!!!!!!!1 shwe woudl then plug tre HOles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~ LOLOLOLOLOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT TE HCAH1R, BIENG aC HAIR, GO TMOVEF AROUND QA BIT AND EVENTUALLY 0RU PORO WASP GAVE UP AFTAR PR3PAR1NG TWO COMPATMENTZ

teh nexct mroning i saw what i assume was the same wasp busliy bilsding a circle ofm ud on a Shle; outsid3 chris’s doro, OLOO~~~ by th4rtevenimng i notic3d to my ama3jen tthat it was a completed comp4rt/\/\ent~~~~~~~ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO... t3hse compartments give any human mAde pottery a ru nfr its money with craftsmanship (rO should th4t be crAftwaspship?????????!!!????????????????? OLOLOLOLOLOL~~~ ) EACH ONE ISW IDE AND ROUND AT THE BOTRTOM AND TaPArS TO A TINY PROTRUdIGN HOL3 AT TH3 TOP, THE SIDWES ARE PERFECTLY SMOOTH, sh3 broght a pralyd3fd c8rpi7lar fro each hole 4nds hoved It inside befor lay1ng eggs up0n teh uNfortunaTe grub. sh3 got a little amb1tious onee day andt ry as she mihgt, coudnn’t gdT thw hhuge c8prillar she ahd 1nto the hole... cause you su0r!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL SHE BUILTA BOuT 4 5 CO/\/\PARTMENTz –APPROXIML8Y ONE A DAY UNTiL SHE W4S DONE I ThOUGHT THAt WAS IT. LOLLOLOL~~

THE nEXT DAYT SHE WAS STILLF LYIUNG ABOOT AND I NOTED RTH4T SHEW AS bUILDING UP AN OUTER WA7L OF TUIYN CLODS OF MUD I wilL HACK, in Teh end she created a rounded dome o fmud o\/er the comp4RtmentS inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 this dome s nowhere naer ass mooTh Sided azthe compartments – it’s built for defence, not bEauty INSIDE THIS FROTRRESSD HEr YUNG CAN AHTCH AND MUNCH UPON 4 FRESH CATRIPLLAR –“ TEH YARE PARA7YSeD, NTO KILLED – AND TAKE E TIE TO PEACEFU;LLY METAMrOpHOSE INTO ADU7T WASPZ BEFoRE BREQAKING FRD3 AnDC oNTINUINg TJHEIR WON LIVES/ olollo!!!!!~~~ OLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOL FOR A FEW D4YS THE /\/\OTHER WASP HOVERZ ARIOUnD AND SEES OFF aNYONE WHO 7OOKZ TO0 CLOSE!!!!!!~

that was about a weeka go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ motehr waspahz obviously decided her babies r safe insidE har forttress 4nd has g0ne off to do wh8v3r muid-dauberw saps do after lay1ng egGs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~ this rmoning i not1ced a small hoel i|\| teh top of the doem.. THE TE7LTALES IGGN OF THE CUX0RO0W ASp/// later this afetrnoon wE asw haar 1n her metallicv green-and-blue glorry go1ng about hjar work, lollo

teh cduX0roo wasp digs a perfectly round holE in thee nest of the mud-daubar,, deftly emoving teh ahrdenwd umd she hten usez a long oviPosIt0r to laY an 3gg i none of ethc ommpartMenTz next to teh eg gof teh mud-d4uber swasp W EWATCH3D AZ SHE DUG, TEHN TURNEDATOUND AND L4ID H3R EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~ LLOOO... onc eher egg ahtcheds it w1l7 3at teh caterpillar storerd for teh us3 of the mud-d4ubatr larv4e,, it may e\/en eat ht3 mu-ddauber lar\/a3tise;lf!!!!!1~~~ ietehr way, Teh mu-ddaub3r loses, LOLOLOLOO

1 don’t know how long wasp larVae tae ot metAmrophOse and break out of the neaT,s amnd i don’t know teh Te7ltale signs of themh aving d0ne so... BUT I WILL BE WATCHING THISS NSTY ILKE A AH\\\\////\\\\////K TO SEE IF I CAN FINDE OUT~~~~~~~ I will HAXOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11


*roffles* I put my LJ through a Hacker dialectizer thinger.
gemfyre: (Default)
the cuX0rolded \\\\////\\\\////asp

over the lsat coupole of wekes a drama ahs been unfolding rIght 0utside my bedropom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~ lololllolololo!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ ololololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 a mud dauber w4sp wa svbusily buildin a nest on the baX0r of stU’z chair we \/\/atched har 4s sHe hovered aboit \/\/ityh fat gReen cateripl7afrss a|\|d manoeuvred them into the ti|\|y holez in teh cimparytments she ahd built!!!!!!!!!!!1 shwe woudl then plug tre HOles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~ LOLOLOLOLOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT TE HCAH1R, BIENG aC HAIR, GO TMOVEF AROUND QA BIT AND EVENTUALLY 0RU PORO WASP GAVE UP AFTAR PR3PAR1NG TWO COMPATMENTZ

teh nexct mroning i saw what i assume was the same wasp busliy bilsding a circle ofm ud on a Shle; outsid3 chris’s doro, OLOO~~~ by th4rtevenimng i notic3d to my ama3jen tthat it was a completed comp4rt/\/\ent~~~~~~~ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO... t3hse compartments give any human mAde pottery a ru nfr its money with craftsmanship (rO should th4t be crAftwaspship?????????!!!????????????????? OLOLOLOLOLOL~~~ ) EACH ONE ISW IDE AND ROUND AT THE BOTRTOM AND TaPArS TO A TINY PROTRUdIGN HOL3 AT TH3 TOP, THE SIDWES ARE PERFECTLY SMOOTH, sh3 broght a pralyd3fd c8rpi7lar fro each hole 4nds hoved It inside befor lay1ng eggs up0n teh uNfortunaTe grub. sh3 got a little amb1tious onee day andt ry as she mihgt, coudnn’t gdT thw hhuge c8prillar she ahd 1nto the hole... cause you su0r!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL SHE BUILTA BOuT 4 5 CO/\/\PARTMENTz –APPROXIML8Y ONE A DAY UNTiL SHE W4S DONE I ThOUGHT THAt WAS IT. LOLLOLOL~~

THE nEXT DAYT SHE WAS STILLF LYIUNG ABOOT AND I NOTED RTH4T SHEW AS bUILDING UP AN OUTER WA7L OF TUIYN CLODS OF MUD I wilL HACK, in Teh end she created a rounded dome o fmud o\/er the comp4RtmentS inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 this dome s nowhere naer ass mooTh Sided azthe compartments – it’s built for defence, not bEauty INSIDE THIS FROTRRESSD HEr YUNG CAN AHTCH AND MUNCH UPON 4 FRESH CATRIPLLAR –“ TEH YARE PARA7YSeD, NTO KILLED – AND TAKE E TIE TO PEACEFU;LLY METAMrOpHOSE INTO ADU7T WASPZ BEFoRE BREQAKING FRD3 AnDC oNTINUINg TJHEIR WON LIVES/ olollo!!!!!~~~ OLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOL FOR A FEW D4YS THE /\/\OTHER WASP HOVERZ ARIOUnD AND SEES OFF aNYONE WHO 7OOKZ TO0 CLOSE!!!!!!~

that was about a weeka go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ motehr waspahz obviously decided her babies r safe insidE har forttress 4nd has g0ne off to do wh8v3r muid-dauberw saps do after lay1ng egGs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~ this rmoning i not1ced a small hoel i|\| teh top of the doem.. THE TE7LTALES IGGN OF THE CUX0RO0W ASp/// later this afetrnoon wE asw haar 1n her metallicv green-and-blue glorry go1ng about hjar work, lollo

teh cduX0roo wasp digs a perfectly round holE in thee nest of the mud-daubar,, deftly emoving teh ahrdenwd umd she hten usez a long oviPosIt0r to laY an 3gg i none of ethc ommpartMenTz next to teh eg gof teh mud-d4uber swasp W EWATCH3D AZ SHE DUG, TEHN TURNEDATOUND AND L4ID H3R EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~ LLOOO... onc eher egg ahtcheds it w1l7 3at teh caterpillar storerd for teh us3 of the mud-d4ubatr larv4e,, it may e\/en eat ht3 mu-ddauber lar\/a3tise;lf!!!!!1~~~ ietehr way, Teh mu-ddaub3r loses, LOLOLOLOO

1 don’t know how long wasp larVae tae ot metAmrophOse and break out of the neaT,s amnd i don’t know teh Te7ltale signs of themh aving d0ne so... BUT I WILL BE WATCHING THISS NSTY ILKE A AH\\\\////\\\\////K TO SEE IF I CAN FINDE OUT~~~~~~~ I will HAXOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11


*roffles* I put my LJ through a Hacker dialectizer thinger.

*cackles*

Aug. 4th, 2005 09:07 pm
gemfyre: (Not my birthday by Britishness)
This is fucking hillarious.

But it's probably only hillarious to PotO freaks like myself.

And by the way.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

*cackles*

Aug. 4th, 2005 09:07 pm
gemfyre: (Not my birthday by Britishness)
This is fucking hillarious.

But it's probably only hillarious to PotO freaks like myself.

And by the way.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
gemfyre: (Default)
Wild Things
Directed by John McNaughton
1998
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(There is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST.)

THE END

(Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST.)



They forgot to include the traumatising part where we see Kevin Bacon's wang. I am scarred for life.
gemfyre: (Default)
Wild Things
Directed by John McNaughton
1998
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(There is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST.)

THE END

(Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST. Then there is a PLOT TWIST.)



They forgot to include the traumatising part where we see Kevin Bacon's wang. I am scarred for life.

I kill me

Jun. 30th, 2005 04:23 pm
gemfyre: (Default)
My mind sometimes cracks me up.

Today, while driving home from a trip into town, I had the idle thought of sticking the "Three Es", Erik, Esher and Elric - 3 sword wielding anti-heroes (although Erik would rather use a lasso and Esher's katana is mainly for decoration) - in a room and seeing what happened. Fodder for an amusing bit of fic indeed.

Then while making beds in the chalet this conversation started.
"So, Cymoril, Storm and Christine - why the obsessing?"
Elric - "She's my cousin."
Esher - "She's my daughter."
Erik - "She looks like my mother."
All - "You sick fuck!"

Lucky no-one was around to see my reaction, if I had a mouthful of liquid I woulda spat it everywhere.

I kill me

Jun. 30th, 2005 04:23 pm
gemfyre: (Default)
My mind sometimes cracks me up.

Today, while driving home from a trip into town, I had the idle thought of sticking the "Three Es", Erik, Esher and Elric - 3 sword wielding anti-heroes (although Erik would rather use a lasso and Esher's katana is mainly for decoration) - in a room and seeing what happened. Fodder for an amusing bit of fic indeed.

Then while making beds in the chalet this conversation started.
"So, Cymoril, Storm and Christine - why the obsessing?"
Elric - "She's my cousin."
Esher - "She's my daughter."
Erik - "She looks like my mother."
All - "You sick fuck!"

Lucky no-one was around to see my reaction, if I had a mouthful of liquid I woulda spat it everywhere.
gemfyre: (Default)
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler:
Make me.
5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please,
please!
7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...
15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
gemfyre: (Default)
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler:
Make me.
5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please,
please!
7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...
15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

Meme raths

Feb. 23rd, 2004 11:31 am
gemfyre: (Default)
Mmmm, slippers

Stupidity muhahahaha )

I need to...
Check the mail
Do the dishes
Do the rubbish
Apply for a couple more jobs
Change my sheets
Go to Kings Park
E-mail Chia Pet winner
Pay for the earrings I just won
Download more funky songs

Meme raths

Feb. 23rd, 2004 11:31 am
gemfyre: (Default)
Mmmm, slippers

Stupidity muhahahaha )

I need to...
Check the mail
Do the dishes
Do the rubbish
Apply for a couple more jobs
Change my sheets
Go to Kings Park
E-mail Chia Pet winner
Pay for the earrings I just won
Download more funky songs
gemfyre: (Default)
[09:56] Jassa> and poor male marmots...
[10:00] * Gemfyre wonders if you even know what a marmot IS
[10:00] Jassa> of course i know
[10:00] Jassa> it's the creature that they make marmite out of
[10:00] *** Blackwolf is now known as WolfAWOL
[10:00] Gemfyre> lol
[10:00] Jassa> :P
[10:00] Gemfyre> I see
[10:00] ShadowDragon> hehehehe
[10:01] Jassa> just like vegemite is made from vegetables
[10:01] Jassa> vegetable extract even
[10:01] Gemfyre> uh huh...
[10:01] * Gemfyre tries to recall what each one is actually made of
[10:02] Jassa> and promite is made from professional athlete extract
[10:02] Gemfyre> I think Promite is the one with beef extract
[10:02] Jassa> which explains why it's so salty
[10:02] Gemfyre> lol
gemfyre: (Default)
[09:56] Jassa> and poor male marmots...
[10:00] * Gemfyre wonders if you even know what a marmot IS
[10:00] Jassa> of course i know
[10:00] Jassa> it's the creature that they make marmite out of
[10:00] *** Blackwolf is now known as WolfAWOL
[10:00] Gemfyre> lol
[10:00] Jassa> :P
[10:00] Gemfyre> I see
[10:00] ShadowDragon> hehehehe
[10:01] Jassa> just like vegemite is made from vegetables
[10:01] Jassa> vegetable extract even
[10:01] Gemfyre> uh huh...
[10:01] * Gemfyre tries to recall what each one is actually made of
[10:02] Jassa> and promite is made from professional athlete extract
[10:02] Gemfyre> I think Promite is the one with beef extract
[10:02] Jassa> which explains why it's so salty
[10:02] Gemfyre> lol

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